Well tumblr, I don’ really know what to say but I’m going to try and think of something. I owe a lot to you. This may very well be the last post I make so I want to make sure it’s a good one so if you could, read on please.
A lot of you have already just scrolled on past this seeing the long paragraphs and being like “fuck that shit!” I know I probably would have, so for those of you who are still reading…. thank you.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my life lately and I’m just not happy, I’m not happy at all tumblr. I just want to die. Yes I know there are a lot of people out there who have it much harder than me, some of you are probably reading this and laughing but I applaud you people for staying strong. But I’m not strong, I’m not strong at all. I have no willpower to do any of the things I love.
Despite being a fairly smart kid I skipped most of my days in school and ended up failing all but one of my GCSE’s despite all of my family’s efforts to make me apply myself. I’m studying a music course at the minute that I barely ever attend because I just can’t apply myself no matter how much I try… I fucking love music and I can’t go in, I have no idea why.
I’ve been an asshole to a lot of the people I cared about, and even now killing myself is a very selfish move, I know. I just don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to be fixed, I just want to leave this all behind and rest. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I have to admit I’m pretty excited. I’m about to find out what’s on the other side, if anything. If I get to come back as a ghost I’ll let you guys know. A blog ran by a spooky ghost, now that’d be interesting.
Anyways, I’m rambling now. If you’ve read THIS far you all get a nice big double serving of gratitude from me now but I’m going to go ahead and give a few individuals a direct thank you.
First I would like to thank Natasha Kline. I love all your little artsy pieces, they are wonderful and they have gotten a giggle out of me on more than one occasion. I’m still so super envious of you getting to work on south park and I hope you get to keep doing it for years to come.
Second, Marskels, Cardboard children and Lambylin. You are three of my all time favorite art blogs. You have given me a whole bunch of pleasure with your amazing works… I even have all three of you used as wallpapers on my PS vita so I get a nice look at all three of your amazing works everyday. I wish I got to know you guys a little better but I know a whole bunch of artists and I know most of you are always so judgmental of your own work but let me tell you, you guys are amazing, don’t ever stop doing what you do.
And here we are, holyshitsouthpark. You are a truly amazing person Johnathan. We both know I don’t have the words in my vocabulary to express how much I care about you and I’m truly sorry for this. I really am. I’m a selfish asshole and even though we only had those 198 days of nonstop talking together we bonded stronger than most people bond in three lifetimes. I’m going to have a lot more to say to you before I go through with it. I’ll go ahead and say I love you anyways. Stay gold.
To anyone who sees this and somehow has a way of stopping me in real life, please don’t. Please understand, I just want to die. I’ve thought about this every night for a long time, this is really what I want.
There is no telling how this day is going to go so I really don’t know if I will somehow be stopped. I don’t know if I’ll really have the guts to do it in the end but I’m sure as heck gonna try.
One finally thank you for taking the time to read all of this, it really does mean the world to me. I you tumblr, I’ll miss you all.
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